PHILOSOPHY OF HAPPINESS

 

 A THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL EXAMINATION BY MARTIN JANELLO

driftwood we are

tumbling on a shore

will we burn

in someone’s fire

 

 

 

not sure i like the power of words

with threatened falsity and violation

yes all tools have dark sides

but these can directly form minds

 

 

 

letting things take their courses

taught him to blame himself

just as he would have

had he tried to change them

 

 

 

given enough motivation

the human brain

can rationalize anything

this is where the heart comes in

 

 

 

he thinks the reasons why she left

would only have relevance

had she stayed

 

 

 

to know what happened

is often as difficult as

guessing what will happen

emotional theories abound

and rationalizations gloss over

 

 

 

like birds in a house

of mirrors we are

sitting still bruised afraid of flight

 

 

 

don’t know really why i cry

and i’m not really crying

it’s just that i let myself

realize feelings

unfiltered and without lying

 

 

 

borrowed hope

on a stranger’s ticket

she does not know

if she wants to go

 

 

 

she says i seem to her

pretty normal

i don’t know if i want this praise

 

 

 

so wondered why

they would

or would not love me

each choice

incomprehensible

and clear at times

 

 

 

intentions clear

retreat hate or fear

are oddly estranged derelictions

 

 

 

it’s not that we’re sleeping

but we’re not awake

life has us too tired

to put up a fight

it’s not that we’re trembling

but we’re not at peace

life has us too scared

to follow the light

 

 

 

your lips promise cherry kisses

or is it spits of pits

 

 

 

she said i can no more recognize

but had she paid attention before

 

 

 

don’t know if i could

if she let me go

or remain if she begged

don’t know if i like

that she needs me so

or care if i got wrecked

 

 

 

we did not come here

for popular reasons

just to speak the truth

 

 

 

all i want is honesty

to a fault of hurting me

but you won’t let it get to that

 

 

 

morning haze

dreams solving maze

i am geborgen

anew in our love

 

 

 

dreamless stupor

when we are awake

flashes of consciousness

is it too late

 

 

 

is this what you want

i should be doing

you guide my hand

will my mind stay free

 

 

 

waves of stupidity

threaten to drown us

giving up thinking

so we can feel good

 

 

 

democracy is

the agreed right of a majority

to govern a minority

don’t mistake it for freedom

 

 

 

it’s only still me

because there is you

at least sometimes

when i’m searching

 

 

 

don’t know anymore

if i ever did

the pieces of me

if they ever fit

together to make me whole

 

 

 

was anything you

or was it the hue

of morn ambers

imbued with hope

 

 

 

crazed demands for adulation

poppies in bloom

know it’s over soon

 

 

 

she is soul searching

but dares not succeeding

only the drinking

can keep her sane

 

 

 

once ignorant what loomed out there

reeling hard when sadness hit

world of impurity made him feel dirty

he could not wash his hands of it

 

 

 

sometimes the best is yet to go

or might have already left

a blessing is that we don’t know

so we can with some hope rest

 

 

 

the moment she let him

touch her breast

she knew immediately

if he’d pass muster

 

 

 

the freezer

left ajar on vacation

taught him

the frangible nature of life

 

 

 

Poetic contemplation and sensitivity are at times mistaken for frailty and sadness when they really express the courage and joy of awareness.

 

 

 

the rare sense

of presence

in our essence

 

 

 

what is

space time matter consciousness

we only know

what we dare to believe

without being proven wrong

 

 

 

suspense in mid air

gives us a scare

that hearts and minds

might be overflowing

 

 

 

frightening bouts of consciousness

make us sink back to obliviousness

 

 

 

she reached through the wall

and offered her hand

but he only feared

she’d be grabbing

 

 

 

waking up

to a day without time

just sunbathed air

and my life with you

sit here with me dear

while our hearts shine

 

 

 

specs on a flying rolling ball

with grandiose grounding illusions

 

 

 

idiots will buy dieting tips

from an overweight famous person

 

 

 

paring down to what we need

brings our self to light

 

 

 

you tell me you’re mine

and i think you mean

you are not anyone else’s

 

 

 

at times she still gives me

refreshing notions

she’ll never be a downright sure thing

 

 

 

the ultimate problem

we don’t know why

we’re here in either direction

weakening us to suggestion

 

 

 

loves dressing up and facing the day

throwing it all off at night

nestling into a bath

over-sized shirt

soft gurgling music and me

 

 

 

she wants certainty

he could and would defend her

though he may never have to

 

 

 

had i forgotten

how good life could be

or did i ever know

these are moot points now

with your loving me

and the mind you blow

 

 

 

he carried calm assuredness

his amity would one day attract

a trusting wild soul from the thicket

 

 

 

don’t tell me

you like butterflies

but can’t stand caterpillars

 

 

 

love is tricky

because we fear

to need or be needed

too little or much

 

 

 

the best ahead

now apparent to me

upon giving up on her

or am i just talking up a bet

after a past hard to bear

 

 

 

the most blessed

and desperate thought is

i’ll die not having known this

 

 

 

holding loved ones very close

won’t let us get a good look at them

maybe that is how blind love survives

 

 

 

see my eyes

they look for you

feel my hands

they reach for you

meet my soul

it longs for you

 

 

 

she wore a flower in her hair

that signaled

she did

and did not care

 

 

 

living presumptuously and arranged

resisting to be proven wrong

lost since we were children

 

 

 

walking with her

did she say

you’ll like me

or rather you’re like me

and why do i think it matters

 

 

 

my love for you

may not be much

but it always will be

as much i can love

 

 

 

hung-over haze

punch-drunk from her ways

reality forces his gaze

into a searing blaze

 

 

 

don’t know why

she does not speak

or is it me not hearing

have we left each other’s range

 

 

 

why do you never smile at me

cause love my dear

is a serious business

 

 

 

easy to get wrapped up in ugly

it lingers and lurches everywhere

she steadfastly pleads

the power of beauty

i trust it will win

because she is there

 

 

 

am i still here

or is it only

that you keep thinking of me

 

 

 

she takes my hand

placing it on her chest

even before we kiss

you hold my heart

and i cannot rest

till you know where it is

 

 

 

cold winter days ahead

i like the idea of

not being diverted

 

 

 

having been left to his devices

he was inundated

by thoughts not his own

 

© 2013-2017 BY MARTIN JANELLO

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